Feminine Hygiene
by juusanninja
Summary: Poor Max. Gazzy got into her bathroom and stole something potentially...no, definitely embarrassing.   Rated T because I'm paranoid, and cursing. FAX, EGGY. Irregular updates.
1. Chapter 1

**/A.N/ Hope you enjoy this! It might be a oneshot, a twoshot, or it might be long, depending on what people want. I want to make it long, however, if people like it enough, I might make it longer. **

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><p>"HEY! GIVE IT BACK!"<p>

I ran down the hall after Gazzy, who cackled manically. "Tell me what it is, Max!"

"That's my...girl stuff, moron! GIVE IT BACK NOW!" Dammit...

He ran outside onto the deck, slamming the screen door in my face. It was faulty, which meant that if you slammed it hard enough, it took about five minutes to open again. He sat against the second floor balcony and looked on as I attempted to kill the door.

As I'm struggling with the screen door, let me tell you about myself. I'm Max. Maximum Ride. Also known as experiment 56299, and amongst others, "Brat," "You damn kid", "Don't hurt me", and "Da Boss."

Yep, I had a great childhood. Just wonderful.

Just as I got the screen door open, Gazzy yelped and jumped off of the deck, snapping his wings out at the last moment to avoid collision, however, he failed. I heard a screech as he fell into the thorn bushes.

Oh, that right, _the wings._

If you're new to this, you might be wondering what's going on. Really? Then why are you reading this? Go and Google it. Or something.

Back to the story.

I, being the genius that I am, spread my wings slowly before jumping, seeing as Gasman wasn't exactly going anywhere. Closing my eyes, I glided nobly down from the balcony-

"Uh, Max? Don't you think that's a bit stupid? I mean, Shouldn't you have your eyes open when you fly?" Iggy's voice floated up to me, along with much rustling. I opened my eyes, only to see that I had overshot and was about to hit my head on a branch. Too late to turn, I thunked my forehead on the nice tree that just happened to be in my way. Cursing under my breath, I pulled in my wings and dropped down the remainder of the way, only to see Iggy rustling around the bushes, seemingly looking for Gazzy.

"Thanks. You really helped. Aren't you supposed to be blind, anyway?"

Another, louder, crackle as Iggy thrust his hands in, probably getting several cuts, although there wasn't even a wince in his voice as he spoke to me. We all had high pain tolerance. "The sun was reflecting off of your non-tan. Your skin was completely white."

"Ah." I rubbed my head and groaned. High pain tolerance, but when it comes to non-battle bruises...

One last yowl from Gazzy, then Iggy pulled him out. Gazzy looked over at a Max, an extremely pissed one, now that this chase had given me a bruise...

"Crap, Iggy, run!" He took off, flapping his thorn-infested wings, making him go at least twice as fast. Iggy looked at my apparently sun-lit face, and took off running as well.

"YOU GET BACK HERE! OR I'LL RALLY THE TROOPS!"

Laughs in the distance as Gazzy told Iggy about what he had stolen.

I stood for a moment, then went into the house. "NUDGE! I NEED YOUR HELP!" To explain Angel's absence: play date.

"Yeah? Ooh, you look ticked. Did Iggy put one of your bras in Fang's bed again? That was mean. Your mom was sooo mad at first! Or was it Gazzy? Because-"

Yep, that's my Nudge for ya. Chatter-box.

"It was Gazzy, and he stole my...Girl stuff. And now Iggy's in on it too. Can you get Ella?"

"Sure! She's upstairs. Yeah, we were just talking about..." What they were talking about was lost as she raced up the stairs. I waited for a moment, then Ella and Nudge came racing down.

Ella grinned. "Nudge told me. You going to get revenge? How?"

"They both got hurt by the bushes, that's revenge enough. Pretty much. For now, I just want to get my stuff before the other male member in this house sees it..."

Ella and Nudge nodded solemnly. "Battle plan?"

My head throbbed. "Nudge, I need you to fly up and see where they are. Once that's done, signal me and Ella. Got it?"

"Yep! Ooh, this is going to be great, hey, you should get revenge on them later, this isn't quite enough. What about-"

"Nudge. Go. I don't have time to come up with a complicated revenge plan, 'kay?"

She nodded and shot up into the air. After a moment, she pointed to the east, or wait, was that the...? Ah, screw it. She pointed to the left of were we were and made a circling motion with her finger.

"What does that mean?"

I smiled. "Circle around from the back of the house. You and Nudge'll tackle Iggy, while I'll get Gasman." I motioned, and Nudge came dropping down like a stone. I told her, and we started to race towards the boys.

Gazzy and Iggy were standing, not hidden very well, behind a tree. I spotted the purple box.

Time to get dirty.

We rushed in, no war cries or warning. Nudge and Ella ran straight for Iggy, who was tackled to the ground by Ella, while Nudge held his hands up so that he couldn't escape.

I, on the other hand, didn't have such an easy victory. Gazzy whooped in joy as he ran away, jumping over various...objects? I didn't even know what was scattered around the yard. I did have a longer stride than him, but his wings were smaller, so he could actually spread them a bit and flap them. I was running so close to the house that, if I had even tried to spread them, a window would have been broken or something.

Gazzy ran around the corner of the house. "Fang, catch!"

_Shiz._

I stopped in my tracks and listened. "What are you doing?" I peeked. Fang had Gazzy by the wrist with one hand, and with the other, he was holding my dreaded purple package. And looking at it.

"Fang, I'm telling you! Run! She's going to get you!"

"I think not." He looked up, straight at me. "Max, here." Were his ears red? He avoided my gaze. "Take it." He walked forward, dragging Gazzy behind him, and half tossed, half shoved the box into my hands. I took it and ran past Fang and Gazzy, who had his "_I'm dead_" look on his face. I slammed the screen door, and ran up into my room.

I slammed that door too, and slid down against it. "_Ohmyfreaking GOD"_ was all I could say.

Damn feminine hygiene.


	2. Chapter 2

**/A.N./ Hey guys! Sorry if Nudgy is a bit out of character. This was written really quick, I'll probably re-do it later. **

**So, any ideas? It's gotta be embarrassing, it's gotta be at most T rated, and it can have romance. preferably romance! ;D Meanwhile, I'll see what I can do.**

**Enjoy! Oh, Gazzy and Ange are with Dr Martinez at the GRocery store, FYI.**

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><p>Fang didn't mention the...*ahem* hygiene products. Nudge, however, decided it would be a good idea to ask me about what they were a few days later.<p>

There I was, innocently enjoying my cookies by the TV, watching a lame sitcom, when she pounced on me.

"Max, what do you use tampons for?"

I cringed. "...Go ask Ella."

"She said to go ask you, because you'd know more."

"Well, I say go ask Mom. She'll know more than I do." Of course, she could just leave me hanging with Nudge, but I was sure she wouldn't do that...

"Okay then."

Five minutes later, she came back. "She said it would be better if you explain them, because you're more like my sister. So, what are they?" Thanks, Mom. Really lived up to my expectations...

I munched on a cookie angrily, pretending that it was something's head. Sighing, I teared my eyes away from the sitcom, wincing at the eager look on Nudge's face. "Uh, well, you know how women get these things called-"

"Hey, what are you two doing?"

Oh, kill me now. Iggy. I chomped on another cookie head. "Iggy, uh, we're trying to talk about something _private-_"

"I'm your brother!" He sat down enthusiastically on the couch, bouncing me up. "Tell me too! Nudge, what were you talking about?"

Nudge perked up. "Well, Max was just going to tell me what tamp-"

I quickly leaped forward to cover her mouth, spilling cookies left and right, but too late. Iggy grinned. "Tampons?" Oh, he was going to pay. My cookies...my poor, innocent cookies...

Nudge _mrrfed_ in a spirited way. Crap. I took my hand off of her mouth, shhing her with a finger. She pouted but nodded.

"Well, that I want to hear about! Go on, Max, tell us!"

I groaned. "Iggy, you know _full well_ what tampons are."

He grinned wider. "Just slightly. I wish to be enlightened. C'mon, Max, is it something embarrassing?"

I sighed, then smirked. Iggy wanted to play a game of Embarrass Max? I knew _just how_ to play the game of Mortify Iggy... "Well, why don't you tell us what you know? Group participation is necessary, y'know. I don't know everything, as you're full aware. Could you tell Me and Nudge what you know?"

Iggy blanched, even whiter than his already pale skin. "Uh, well, y'see, I don't really know, anything, I was just saying..." He buried his face in his hands. "No."

I bit my lip as Fang slinked into the room, behind the couch. What was he doing? He crept to behind the couch, Iggy still glaring sightlessly up at me through his hands, which was rather creepy, I won't deny it.

"You sure you don't know anything?" Nudge asked innocently. I grabbed up one of my spilled cookies. Still chocolatey, sugary goodness, if a bit fuzz-ball-y. I glared at Nudge, warning her once more to be quiet.

"Absolutely! Absolutely-positutely!" Attitude changed, huh, Igs? I looked to the left. Ella was standing in the doorway to the livingroom, shoulders shaking silently. Iggy didn't seem to notice her, but he would eventually.

Fang popped up, having been crouched behind the couch, only his dark eyes showing."Lying is bad for your soul Iggy. You'll go to hell when you die..." A creepy low-toned voice uttered. Thank you, Fang.

Iggy scrambled. "WHAT THE FRICK. FANG!" What a very masculine squeal he had.

Fang was standing behind the couch, smiling. "Well, Iggy? Are you going to tell everyone? I wish to "be enlightened" too." Ella was kneeling down, both hands on her mouth, shaking wordlessly, trying her very best not to laugh.

Iggy had his head in his hands. "I hate you..."

Nudge suddenly let loose after being quiet for so long. "Iggy, do you know? I hope you do, because if you do, I would like to hear it from you! I mean, you're definitely the most knowledgeable about these kinds of things! Right, Max? Max? Max, why are you rolling on the floor? Fang? Are you...giggling?" Fang was indeed...giggling? at Nudge's naivete.

Iggy snorted. "Fang doens't giggle. His chortles are rather manly, though."

"You don't d-d-deny that you're the most knowledgeable about it, Iggy?" I managed to gasp out.

"Of course not!" He paused, and then realized what he had said. "I mean, of course I'm not! I'm not the most knowledgeable! I'm not!"

Fang was giggling-sorry, chortling in the most masculine way possible. "So, you think I'm manly, Iggy?"

The look on Iggy's face at that moment was only rivaled by my expression when the cookies had fallen: absolutely horror-stricken. "NO! That's not what I-" Ella was making strangled sounds, now.

Total walked in, followed by Magnolia and Akila, who . "What's this about Iggy being gay?"

"I'M NOT FRICKING GAY."

"You sure about that Iggy?" Fang smirked.

"SHUT UP RIGHT NOW FANG, OR I'LL CASTRATE YOU." Was that even a natural shade of red on Iggy's ears?

"That's gay, Iggy."

Nudge finally spoke up, I think it was a record of her being quiet. "What's gay?"

"Iggy." I answered, gasping for breath.

Fang grinned. "Gay is when two guys or girls love each other, Nudge."

"So, you and Iggy are gay?"

"..."

"..."

Ella finally spoke up after all of this time, face red, out of breath and grinning. "Yes they are, Nudge. Yes they are. Very gay."

"..."

"..."

"What the hell, Ella..."


	3. Chapter 3

**/A.N./ Ugh, I don't know how I got a page and a half out of this crap. orz**

**So, enjoy! Took me half an hour to write, that's why it sucks so much.**

**AND I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING!**

**And, Oh God, this is so cliché and overused, but~**

_**The kitchen's getting eggy~**_

_**/  
><strong>_

After all of that, Iggy refused to talk to any of us for days. And then, there was the cooking.

He had been so mad at us for *cough-motifiying-him-in-front-of-Ella-cough* _"ganging up on me"_, as he put it, that there was no cooking for us. For a week.

The first two days were okay. Mom had sighed and made Ella help with dinner, but otherwise it was great.

Cheese enchiladas are the _shiz._

But then there was the next night. Oh God, so many things went wrong.

Mom was out on call. Some cat, or cow, or whatever, needed help. Or something.

The night was in the hands of four overemotional teens (okay, three) and three younger children.

Let me tell you, I can do three of what may be considered impossible things.

I can fly.

I can shut Nudge up occasionally.

And...

I can burn water.

Yep.

Burn. Water.

Ella says that somehow I left it on the stove for too long, and then whatever crap was inside the water crusted to the sides and started burning, which really doesn't make me want to drink any water any time soon, honestly.

I remember Ella running in and asking what that smell was, then racing into the kitchen and turning the flames off, me following close behind. Gazzy had run in, screamed Iggy's name along with something about burning water and a "come down here and look!" added in. Fang and crept in silently and looked at me with a slightly baffled look on his face, as if he couldn't believe that I had _actually_ burnt water. Nudge and Angel raced in, Angel joining Fang in staring at me, which was getting quite unnerving, and Nudge babbling about toxic fumes or something, which got Gazzy set off on the chemicals in the tap water, which according to the little demon child in my thoughts, I was not supposed to use.

All in all, confusion.

Confusion loves chaos.

Then Ella decided to pick up the pot without a potholder, being distracted by Nudge and Gazzy. She paused, looked at her hands, screamed and pulled them away, waving her hands around momentarily. In the process of pulling her hands away, she jerked the pan off of the stove. Everyone seemed to go silent for a moment as it fell.

Then it hit Ella's foot. There was still water in the pot, and it splashed on her leg on the way down.

She shrieked. Loudly and long.

Everyone froze, not having dealt with this kind of situation before.

There was thumping on the stairs.

Ooh, the demon awakened from his cave.

Iggy raced into the kitchen, pushing children and teens alike out of the way.

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? WHO SCREAMED?"

Ella whimpered a few choice expletaves. He head snapped down to her and he knelt down. "What happened? Are you okay?"

That seemed to break the trance. Nudge sat down and started cooing and stroking her shoulders. Gazzy stepped in and looked worried. Angel "shhed" and looked concentrated, probably sending calming waves towards her. Iggy, however, looked like he was about to cry, more than Ella.

I sniffled.

Fang looked towards me. I bit my lip and looked away, hoping he hadn't noticed the tear that trickled down my face. He stood for a moment more, then took a step and hugged me.

Fang.

Hugging me.

He felt so...strong. I turned into him and stood there, slipping my arms around his back, him swaying me back and forth slightly.

I heard a slightly pained giggle.

"Oi, get a room, you two."

I looked down at Ella. She looked pained, but still smiling. Iggy reached down and touched her mouth, as if he was afraid she'd break. Feeling her smile, he smiled too.

I held on to Fang for a moment. Just for a moment, to steady myself. Then I plopped down and hugged my sister, crying silently.

I heard Fang sigh.

"So...Who's going to tell Dr. Martinez what happened?"

Fang's really good at breaking touching moments.

He had a point, though.

That...

Well, it was going to go over well.

**/**

**~Review Pleeze!~**

**Cheers,**

**Insanity.**


	4. Chapter 4

**/A.N./ I'm going to be replying and thanking through AN's. So, I'm sorry if you don't see your name and a reply down there. So, tell me, you guys, should I add more FAX? More EGGY? Anything? Is Max...no, is everyone in character? **

**Ah. You know what I'm going to start doing? Okay, so, leave a chapter name in the reviews. I'll take one and write the chapter around it, however my weird mind takes it.. Have fun, guys! I be needing YOU! *flails***

**DISCLAIMER: I am not bald.**

**/Iggy POV!**

A short summary of what happened when we called Max's mom:

Pleasant. Confused. Worried. Angry. Hang up. Bat-shiz crazy horn honking that could be heard five miles away as she sped through the roads.

I gently picked Ella up and carried her outside, where the car was waiting. I heard Max tell Fang to stay behind and look after the rest of the flock, then footsteps as she raced out and opened the door for me.

I slipped in, bumping my own head in the process of trying not to bump Ella's head, settling into the seat. I re-positioned her a bit so the her neck was supported and looked down, wishing more than anything I could see her. Well – just – I mean, I wish I could see everyone. Not just her. Everyone. Everything.

Anyway.

The drive there was a bit tumultuous, seeing as Dr. Martinez drove fast and furious, meaning bumps. Ella hissed under her breath, the contents of which I'll leave out for younger ears.

"**MONKIES** Mom, drive slower!"

"Sorry, sorry." She eased down on the gas, but there were still bumps enough to make Ella whimper. One was a speed bump, right to the entrance of the hospital, making everyone get a bit jostled. Ella jounced up as my long legs somehow got tangled, making it even more cramped. Due to the bump and cursing, Max sounded as though she had ended up with her face against the window, which would have been hilarious if...Nah, screw that. It was hilarious.

And so we pulled into a cramped parking space in the parking lot of the place the I hated.

Whitecoats.

**~insert mysterious line of awesomness here~**

**/I think you can tell this isn't Iggy's point of view anymore/**

Fang sighed. Stuck in the house, alone, with pre-pubescent kids that were scary enough to him that he just might go curl up in a corner. A dark, black corner filled with non-noisy things. Excluding jazz.

He didn't like jazz.

Which was why he was slightly annoyed when he climbed up the stairs to hear it blasting out of one of the girls' rooms. Ruffling his hair, he sighed and banged on the door. There was a yelp and a hasty turning down of the jazz. "Thank you!" he yelled.

Next thing to check on: Gasmeister.

This was slightly trickier.

Gasman had his own treehouse that he slept in. He had made it himself, hidden it the leaves.

It even had a lock on the door.

To get to it, you had to climb out of Fang and Iggy's room and onto the ledge, scooting sideways against the house, which scraped your wings if you didn't angle yourself right. You then had to leap onto a tree branch , sideways, then grab the above branch with a free hand that you weren't biting off in nervousness that you would fall on your face. It was low enough that that could actually happen, too, even with wings.

Dr. Martinez didn't know that Gazzy slept in there. It was what Iggy liked to called their "Man secrets". Fang himself would rather eat strawberry toothpaste than call them that, but whatever.

Inching towards the door, he finally reaches it and hooks a finger onto the handle, twisting it down. "Gaz?"

A head peeks out of the slightly opened door. "Whut?"

"Give me the bomb once you're done with it."

Gazzy frowns. "Why?"

Fang manages a evil grin, or what he hopes looks like one. "You'll see."

**~Handsome alpacas dancing in the sky~**

**/Iggy POV/**

As the time ticks by, the sound starts to annoy me. Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Each time they seem to go slower.

I can feel a tense Max beside me and can't tell if she's stressed because all this is her fault, or if she's stressed because of all of the whitecoats that I can see and smell around us.

Finally, I hear a door open at the end of the hall, the same one that had closed about an hour earlier. Click. Click.

Tap.

Well, that's different. Not usually how Ella walks.

Against the white background, I can see that Ella is propped up on a crutch, Dr. Martinez walking beside her. Max stand up and sighs in a relieved way, stretching so much that I can hear the bones pop. "Ella, are you okay?" I hear her voice crack on _okay_.

"I'm fine. I'll be in this stupid contraption for a week or two, though. Hey, Iggy." Is it just me, or did her voice change when she said my name? I can't tell. "Thanks for comforting me."

I nod and smile. Wordy I am not, currently. Or so it seems.

Max and Dr. Martinez walk out with Ella, leaving poor old Iggy behind. I can navigate well enough until after the door, at which point I bump into a parking pole that's just about crotch height.

OH GOD THAT HURT. I THINK I JUST SQUEALED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.

After I'm done writhing on the ground, I open my eyes to see an Ella shape, framed by moonlight standing there. "Are you done?"

"Ye-ahh..." My voice is breaking.

"Get up and I'll help you to the car. Cmon."

I stand up on wobbly legs and stay where I am, until I feel a hand nudged against mine. "Take my hand, I'll lead you."

I uncertainly slip my hand into hers-or was it her hand into mine?-and manage to not completely freak out aloud at the fact that I'm holding hands with Ella. Sure, both were slightly sweaty-or was that just mine?-but it was nice anyways.

Driving home, she doesn't let go.

Neither do I.

**/**

**OH GOD I THINK I JUST SQUEE'D.  
><strong>

**Replies: **

**FangandIggyRule:** **Thank you so much! Yes, it was originally intended to be a one-twoshot. Your instincts were correct. ;D**

**Lillypad22: IT'S MY FAVORITE PAIRING** **THEY'RE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER** ***ahem*** **Heheh, thanks!**

**IssyRedbird: XD thanks! I'll try to update more often.**

**ForeverUndyingFlame: Thank you so much! Dylan? Mysteriously AWOL. :D And will be because I can't stand his face or any other part of him. :P **

**Thanks to: Anna Ride, FangandIggyRule, Icy. And fire, AprilBaby95, roylpain** , **lillypad22, TwiPotterHungerRidePercyLiars** , **IssyRedbird,** **HeAt-StRoKe, i-dont-tell-strangers-my-name, rose angel 428, MaximumRideFanAddict** **(Sorry if you did something before the latest update. Let me know if I forgot you. And you. And that guy back there.)** **And ****_thank you_**** all. When I open my email up in the morning and see all of those alerts and reviews and favorites, I swear I giggle and squeal. You guys really, really make my day. I hadn't even had breakfast yet and already I'd giggled enough to scare my dog.**

**So:**

**~Reviews=Virtual Cookies Of Doom!~**

**Cheers,**

**juusanninja, if you liked my old name I'll change it :) Otherwise, it stays.**


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